Handwringing socialists - this variety sporting white coats and a gradum Medicinae Doctoris - are in
high dudgeon over the plight of children. But don't be fooled because the crocodile tears they shed only mask their true goal of more Big Brother government.
The specific children about whom they are hysterically agitated, are children who eat food and choke. More specifically still, are those kids who bite off more than they can chew while eating hot dogs. Fat kids, skinny kids, kids who climb on rocks. Tough kids, sissy kids. Even kids with chicken pox.
161 kids in 2006 died choking on food. Five percent, or about 3 of those are from hot dogs. Too many. Any kids who die for any reason is too many. Car wrecks, abusive foster parents, bee stings, theme park rides, collapsing schools, floods, dog attacks, tornadoes.... It seems life is a veritable gauntlet of deadly activities through which children must pass.
Out of all of this, these medicos are screeching angry over..... hot dogs. So angry that they want... no... DEMAND fascistic government control of the entire food industry. Sausages have existed since shortly after man began to use fire. Longer than recorded history. Longer in fact than civilization itself. But today, Monday February 22, 2010, doctors have HAD ENOUGH of that deadly scourge.
No longer will they tolerate kids eating hot dogs. Armour hot dogs. The dogs kids love to bite. To control the tubular epidemic of delicatessen madness, it is necessary, according to them, for Americans to give socialists complete control of our food production. Vast armies of government agents will spew forth from Washington in search of the deadly tubes of meat byproducts, grain fillers, roach parts, and rodent hairs. They will hunt down the coconspirator condiments ketsup and mustard, and jail sidewalk purveyors of intestine-encased infanticide who practice their dark arts under bright umbrellas and ghoulishly offer a bag of chips and soda with the dagger that they plunge into a child's heart.
In all seriousness, I would be a bit less skeptical of these panic-stricen pediatricians if the lot of them did not believe that Saddam Hussein, the
murderer of children, is the legitimate leader of Iraq and should still be in power there.